Ugh~~ Holy crap..

It's just ugh..
I don't know why, but i kinda feel this way..
I don't know what i lack..
And my blog kinda becomes a rubbish chute..

And here i am thinking..
It's not enough??
Really?
wow..
I feel so what the hell..
So more is needed..
All has been made to be perfected, so i can't see anything that can be done to improve this..
If there is, it's probably something i feel weird about?
I don't know..
I seriously don't..
What should i do??
Tell me??
Anyone??

Argh..
What i see infront of me is probably what's happening..
But i can't believe it..
And i don't want to believe it..
Nah, it's just another paranoid thingy..
I just hope that some day i feel kinda fine??
I don't know what defines fine, but i feel so not fine..
It's starting to worry me..
And wow..
Such things are actually happening to me..
It's like i know I'm being boiled and i continue to stay in the pot..
I don't bear to leave alright..
Maybe if i just get cooked then I'm satisfied..
But by that time, I'll already be gone..

Acting fine isn't really a good way..
I like to put on a hard front though..
Makes me seem a little more harsh and cool headed..
But hey.. I'm just not that cold..
But softy isn't my kinda character..

It sets me thinking..
Really really thinking..
That if one day..
I never found out that i was being boiled..
And i died in the pot..
And every molecule was around laughing..
...
This is serious crap..

But i think I'm just being boiled though..
I am..
Evidence points to me so..
I can't help it..
Can i??

Oh well..
This sux big time..
Maybe if i could fine some " sweet escape "
I'd feel better..
But overall, i wanna say..
I'm sorta prepared to go to heaven..
Maybe God will just listen to me..

Just for 1 more day..
I will..
I really will..
I have preserved hard enough..
Gotten the long way through..
Met enough set backs and such..
And God still doesn't think it's enough for me..
I just think maybe I'm not strong enough..
I just need to grow stronger..
Not unfeeling..
But really stronger..

And i wanna be able to put things down for awhile..
Enjoy the breeze..
Calm my senses and such..
Look..
I am human..
I need space and time..
If everything is centered around this this this..
Then I'd rather someone just say that that that..
If nothing revolves around me, and instead everything revolves around this..
What's the point??
There is no give and take anymore..
It's all give..
Or maybe..
I should just forget it..

So much crap here..
Well..
No one understands it anyway..
So it's ok..
It's done and over with..
It's just how i feel..
I am so damned..