Let me tell you how i think..

I don't wanna say this straight in your face..
I don't wanna be harsh..
So just read between the lines..

I feel tired..
very tired..
Sometimes not physically..
But emotionally..
Dear papa knows me..
And papa can only give me advice..

You know why i go and tire myself out again and again?
I just don't wanna face it..
I can just fall asleep and not think about anything..

I am afraid..
Got so many problems to settle..

I think you know I'm referring to a few people..
But including you though..
Yesterday i was tired..
Saw your msg now..
But the truth is that i was so tired that i slept from 6pm till now..
Sorry for wasting your day..
Next time go without me ba..
Or do your own stuff..
No need to care about me le..
I'll just make you think I'm super negative and you had something to do with it..
It just isn't worth your time..

But all is just what i think..
You got nothing to do with it..
So don't blame yourself and think you caused it..
Thank you..

Sometimes i really mean it..
When i say it's ok..
Don't wait for me..
I really mean it..
You no need to wait beside the phone for my reply or wad..
Just go and have your life..

I'll have mine..
In just a more different way..
I don't wanna cause trouble to others..
I want them to be happy too..
As well as me..

I love my friends..
But not all people can be treated equally..
I have people whom i want to treat them well..
Because they deserve it..
I see what they have done..
And i want to appreciate them more..
Well i guess this is the best way to put it..

If people see me sad and they also become affected by it..
It's my fault..
So if i can be happy..
Just show the face..
Maybe other people think it's fake or wad..
But now i don't care anymore..
Trying to be happy..
Or pretending to be happy isn't bad..
It isn't against morals..
It is just a way i choose to show myself..

Sometimes you say i am not being true to myself..
Yes i do agree sometimes..
But pretending is what i need to do sometimes..
It to show the other side of me..
A lot of people has seen my happy face..
At least they know..
Ohhh.. She is happy la.. It's ok..

But somehow or another..
This is a first la..
But i dunno how you can have an intuition that you know I'm not happy..
Although most of the time you guess it incorrectly..
Apart from a few close friends i have, your guessing is rather accurate when it comes to serious matters..

And i think only a few people has seen me real sad..
Those people are whom i think i can trust them in keeping my feelings..
But i still feel that i stand alone..
In the end..
Still, all is lost..

You know this feeling?
I think you're also quite a loner..
You should understand..
After all, you will say you find no real friends..
OoO

I have just lost all interest in putting my heart in..
So I'll just stand outside the line..
Say how i feel..
Address my problems..
Think and think..

The view of an outsider and insider maybe be different..
But if you combine them together, you can make something nice right..
It would seem as a whole..

So maybe next time, you think this is the case..
But actually no..
It's like that..
And when you combine them up, you get the bigger picture..

Everyone's view is narrow..
It's up to you to see it..
That's why maybe it i see a dead end..
I know I'm gonna die..
And i know you still have hope..
So i tell you..
It's a long road ahead..
Jia you..
You go on..
When i hit my end, I'll just go..
Then you can still continue to run i think..
Just move on..

This post in generally centered around how i think..
So there may be random thoughts jumping around and such..
Not all relate to you..
But this post is to reply you for the questions you asked me recently..
maybe about 65% of it..

The rest is to others..
Inside and Outside..
Those who read regularly will know what I'm saying..
Although some just don't get it..
I don't know what they will do..
Keep asking me questions??
O.O

Rather interesting that i can give 65% of this entry to your cause..
I just feel that i owe you an apology..
As well as answers you would like to know..

And i hope that after reading this you can understand how i feel..
Maybe i need some time to cool off..
I cannot have too many things at one time..
Rather, this is more stressed than in school..
Because when in school, i don't have really much things to do..
Maybe lame, crap with people..
School work just takes over..

But when i come home, things start to go different..
Many stuff which i don't normally do all appear at once..
Sometimes i just think too much..
And thinking.. Can be the stupid reason to why so many problems arise..

I want to talk maybe..
But not now..
I am just feeling so ****
I don't know how to describe..
I don't know how to say..
You ask me to draw??
Oh no, i cannot draw to express anything..
May be anger i can..
I'll just be ruining the paper or what..

Well..
I just hope you give me time..
Some time to just be myself..
Calm down and face things..

I cannot feel stressed..
My health seriously does not permit it..
That's what Mr Doctor says..

I've been out a lot recently..
And i go alone..
I wanna spend time with myself..
And i wanna think about how to should handle my future..
I want people to understand me..
But..
Can they?

They have too many questions for me..
Some which i cannot answer..
Or i find it too difficult to answer..

To those who have met such a situation with me..
Please understand..
I am going through an obstacle now..
I'm stressed..
But still i need all the support you people can give..
Really.. thanks a lot..