one after another.. it just doesn't seem to end..

all seems well right?
no it isn't..
and i just had to wake up in the middle of the night to make my post..
why.. u may ask..
i guess i just feel calmer during the night..
cuz things can really get heated during the day..

i just had 1 thought too much..
it's like over the limit..
so it became today's situation..
you wouldn't wanna noe..
trust me..
i myself think is stupid..
but i sorta trust my intuition..
alot..

it's like some kinda first prediction of something..
when i first see it..
glance at it..
think of it..
that's the crucial point..

i am not being emo..
i'm just thinking a lot..
maybe thinking too much..
bee bee..
thanks a lot..
=)

i just needed to blog to vent all my unhappiness out..
becos.. no matter wad i say, who i talk to, i dun get any satisfied feeling frm it..
i dunno why..
there is no peace between all of this..
i need to have this feeling to feel safe..
that i am standing on hard ground..
becos i am currently predicting that the ground around me is going to fall..
real soon..
and i will hit the bottom..
it will just be the end of an insignificant life form..
so i just need to start frm scratch again..
get a new life..

whenever i think i know myself, i fall back down again..
whenever i think that i am strong enough, i get hit again..
and whenever i think i am happy enough, i get smacked in the face again..
the world is just another nasty place..
of cos it is..
we all came out frm hell..
to atone for our sins then try to go to heaven..
if we can't, then go back to hell again..
this explains the devil in us..

yea.. but i don't want to go back to that nasty place..
i wanna go up..
up is good..
no matter what or where..
it's more of like looking up to hopes..
seeing what others can offer..
grab it..
and soon, u will fly..

i dunno if i am able to support myself any longer..
deep shit??
maybe..
but i'm not going to take it easy..
and it's not going to be easy for me..
all i can do is just to bottle everything up..
becos..
although they say they do..
no one really understands..
i see no before and after effect..

maybe until the day..
until the day i explode..
be it physically or mentally..
someday..
i will..

there goes another so called emo post..
but these are actually wad i am thinking of..
i hav no choice but to write it here..
right?