...

i don't know for the how many umpteenth time this week..
it's been so sucky..
today was a friggin bad day..
forget it anyway..
i just wanna live happily..
god just discarded this soul..
namely me..
and i've got no place to go except for hell..
right?

all the days..
it's all been wrong..
all so damn wrong..

FREAK!!!!!

shit

again it's this damn kinda time..
and worst still..
no study at all..
u noe how last min this is??
shit lo..

why always like that..
bad day, bad everything..
i just wish things would turn out better..
everything..
becos..
if someday i were to just go..
i want no regrets..
-_-

one after another.. it just doesn't seem to end..

all seems well right?
no it isn't..
and i just had to wake up in the middle of the night to make my post..
why.. u may ask..
i guess i just feel calmer during the night..
cuz things can really get heated during the day..

i just had 1 thought too much..
it's like over the limit..
so it became today's situation..
you wouldn't wanna noe..
trust me..
i myself think is stupid..
but i sorta trust my intuition..
alot..

it's like some kinda first prediction of something..
when i first see it..
glance at it..
think of it..
that's the crucial point..

i am not being emo..
i'm just thinking a lot..
maybe thinking too much..
bee bee..
thanks a lot..
=)

i just needed to blog to vent all my unhappiness out..
becos.. no matter wad i say, who i talk to, i dun get any satisfied feeling frm it..
i dunno why..
there is no peace between all of this..
i need to have this feeling to feel safe..
that i am standing on hard ground..
becos i am currently predicting that the ground around me is going to fall..
real soon..
and i will hit the bottom..
it will just be the end of an insignificant life form..
so i just need to start frm scratch again..
get a new life..

whenever i think i know myself, i fall back down again..
whenever i think that i am strong enough, i get hit again..
and whenever i think i am happy enough, i get smacked in the face again..
the world is just another nasty place..
of cos it is..
we all came out frm hell..
to atone for our sins then try to go to heaven..
if we can't, then go back to hell again..
this explains the devil in us..

yea.. but i don't want to go back to that nasty place..
i wanna go up..
up is good..
no matter what or where..
it's more of like looking up to hopes..
seeing what others can offer..
grab it..
and soon, u will fly..

i dunno if i am able to support myself any longer..
deep shit??
maybe..
but i'm not going to take it easy..
and it's not going to be easy for me..
all i can do is just to bottle everything up..
becos..
although they say they do..
no one really understands..
i see no before and after effect..

maybe until the day..
until the day i explode..
be it physically or mentally..
someday..
i will..

there goes another so called emo post..
but these are actually wad i am thinking of..
i hav no choice but to write it here..
right?

All my ice.. MY ICE IS MELTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! help me please.. =(

mi and my friends could be extinct if climate change continues to melt the North pole ice..
=(
the so called " permanent ice" is melting..
at 10% each year..
it will melt more and more each year..
all becos of tis global warming..
all becos of the green house gas emission..
u noe wad is that???
it is mainly frm the burning of fossil fuel for energy..
and we have tooooo much dangerous carbon dioxide in the atmosphere..
the human race is facing extinction too..
this world has experienced 5 mass extinctions before.. and the 6th is coming..
soon..
everyone is going to die..
and everything starts frm a new cell again and again..
new world, new society..
new everything..
sigh..
and tis melting process will speed up becos it no longer reflects the sun's heat..
=(

mi paw needs ice to feed..
i can smell the seals under the ice u noe??
then i catch them for my meal..
i can sit there and wait for them to come out of their breathing hole then catch them..
or i jus break the ice and catch it..

sometimes i go without food for months..
but now..
the ice is melting..
winter is getting shorter and shorter..
I CANNOT HUNT ANYMORE~
so i get hungry easily..
maybe 1 or 2 months more of hunger..
my body fats are all going to be gone u noe??
=(
wo hao ke lian ar..

my beary friends also starve..
their kids cannot tahan the weather and starvation and they die u noe??
plus some of my beary friends too weak to have baby cubs..
=((
wo men hao tong ku..
ni men ming bai ma???
you understand our pain????

why isit always that i have a problem sleeping..
and why isit that i always have a problem not wanting to think..
i always wake around 4 am..
which is a very weird timing becos everyone is asleep..
i wonder if i have some disease or what..
not sure.. but the headache is getting severe..
it's like some sharp pain rushing/ cutting through you..
right smack in between your brain..
painful ok..

-_-

shucks..
maybe there wasn't enough sleep?
i don't know..
but i was sian enough to go and try to take a nap..
now today is a sunday..
sunday mornings are supposed to be good..
but i don't think so..
it's like later is gonna be a bad day..
ha.. now even the birds are laughing at me..
" you stupid idiot.. BAKA "
booooo myself..

-_-

wad the hell am i saying..
zzz..
i guess that's just a few of my random thoughts..
stupid and random..

i dreamt that i was eating a very nice and yummy crab..
it was a black pepper chilli crab..
you noe wads wrong with it??
the problem is that it has black pepper and chilli together..
wth..
my brain has a bit of flavour problems..

or maybe my taste buds have been sleeping lately..
nah..
it sux..

when ever i feel like i wanna do something..
i would hesitate at the last moment..
and make a 180 degree change..
stupid huh..
i guess im too round for deciding things..
it just can't be done..

i predict that..
today will be just another slacker day..
ahhh..
so sian..
you know..
u ****
LOL..

end of crappy post..
i'll go and talk to the toy bear or something..
-_-

Today is a Saturday..

Now, firstly.. Tell me what you know about Saturdays..
Hmmm..

Saturday is after Friday..
It is also before Sunday..
It has a rainy morning and sunny afternoon..
For today at least..
There will be many people on the streets..
Many cars too..
There will also be human congestion..
Traffic jam..
Cats jam..
Dogs jam..
LOL..
And furthermore, Saturday is supposed to be a day of relaxing..
Calming of mind..
Sleeping~

But.. You can also be doing things like..
Running about..
Swimming..
Working..
Shopping..
Doing a massage in some spa..

There is a price tag for each item..
And some cost more than the others..
Which means..
You can have a rich or poor Saturday..
Depending on what you do..

BUT..
Having a rich or poor Saturday literally is not that meaningful as having a mental one..
Splurging makes your mind happy..
However..
Doing the things you really really like makes your mind calm and your heart full of warmness..

I imagined a perfect Saturday in a country side of Osaka..
Lush greenery..
Perfect view..
Fresh air..
Nice strawberries..
And if i had a pet doggy there, it would be so nice..
Peace and tranquility..
Transforms lives..

So my thoughts today are..
I really really really wanna go to the country side for awhile..
Bring out all my worries..
Make myself happy..
=)

You want it too.. Right??
Cheers~

U think, I thought, who confirm?

It's the same old phrase again..
And this phrase..
Makes me think darn alot..

Yea..
Talk..
Today the more i talk, the more sian i become..
It's not the other party or person or wad..
It's me alright..
I got a problem with my own stupid attitude..
At least i think so..

So i decided to be silent for awhile..
I think it's the best..
Sometimes i decide not to answer questions..
They give birth to more questions..
So i think, i should just let it stop there..
Rot and die..
So.. Final.. End of topic..

And today i had some mood to go maple..
But who knows..
I was hanging there on the rope..
And some stupid idiot sacked mi..
WOW..
Brillant..
I wonder who managed to do it..
Really damn pro..
Maybe my character was too fat or something..
Or it was too close to the platform..
Nevertheless..
My precious time was wasted..
% gone..
Hence, i felt super sian..
Again..

Something is against me huh?
I feel so super duper wth..

But nevermind..
There is only 1 person who can help me..
He knows me..
And i shall call up on him tonight..

-_-

Darn..
I have a serious headache now..
I wanna slp until i die..
But damn it, i can't..
Life sux..
Big time..

=C =( =l =) =D @ _ @ ^ ~ ^ T ~ T

woke up damn early as u all can see frm the previous post..
after that cannot slp liaos..
think too much..

anyways i dozed off for awhile then i woke..
which was about 7 plus..

did stupid things online..
dumby things..
then went to sch for lunch wif the rabbit and duck..
lols..
animal gathering..

stupid kou fu always has a super long queue when u buy stuff to fill ur stomachs..
stupid management dunno how to put more stalls..
there was a very huge space behind, and they put 2 chairs there..
dunno do wad..
maybe for ghosts to seat or wad..
lols..

anyways went back for classical..
at 2pm..
ah fuan was late..
AGAIN..
he say he was discussing bout some exam things..
then mi audrey and happy listened closely lo..
is our exam..
OMGS..
ica la..
then he said that we did too well for our ytd paper..
the next few papers will be so much harder la..
damn it lo..
he say alot of ppl pass tis paper..
too easy..
so he was discussing on how to make it harder..
wth laaa..
diaos..
-_-

then nvm..
he chatted on the phone for half an hour..
so in the end, we started our lesson at 3pm..
wow..
-_-
then 350 he was done..
then he happily say bye bye to us..

so we were discussing bout later's dinner..
then ah fuan told us some background about our pem..
Mr Winston Ho..
he is some assistant director of something in sbm..
teaches foreign investment module..
and.......
he was the regional manager of singapore's foreign investment before he came to nyp..
LOL..
si beh big shot..
i think maybe he got enough money liao some and be our pem..
slacker job..
lols..

but at least he is 100 times better than our older pem..
the lim swee tiam..
never even meet us up for once lo..
sucky person..
no heart oso..

they spoiled my appetite oso..
they say the food damn sucky..
-_-
really is..

then after that we met him and our other classmates for dinner..
we haven't really seen each other in a super long time..
hahaha..
very heartwarming lo..
can laugh and smile and be happy..
people like er xin de geok ting and yokie~ cannot come..
they had attachment outside sch..
=(

but overall damn funny day la..
is like almost everyone wanna make mi laugh..
my face got cramps liao..
lols..

i saw happy being super happy lo..
we all very long no hear that bombastic laughter already..
hui wei yi xia..
hahaha..
nice right..
=D

ok lar..
vast improvement as compared to ytd..
i like to leave ytd behind..
it's over le..
=)

i lazy to post photos again lar..
refer to tutu's blog for it..
lols..

oh ya..
1 more thing..
the food hor..
really super duper sux leh..
to be very very very frank..
lols..
im glad mr ho has heart..
the food din't matter that much..
jus tot maybe i should spread nagative word of mouth..
of the bad service and food..

but the cook and the staff there has no heart..
treat us like students..
wa lao..
we are business men/ women ok..
dun play play hor..
if not i claw them..

still wan giv the si ren lian..
lols..
stupid bunch of ppl..
lapsap kia..

lols
WADEVER~

READ ALL OF THIS BEFORE GETTING ANGRY/ PISSED/ DU LAN

please prepare to listen to my complains and read this passage thoroughly before u conclude anything.. and read it properly.. dun rush through.. if you don't understand then read it again.. if u still dont then ask me.. make an effort to ok? cus im making an effort to write this all down.. you guys should too? i think its basic courtesy.. for those ppl who dun noe about this DUN READ IT! it will make nosy ppl wanna poke their noses into many things..

you guys think i'm kicking a big fuss over this matter? or you guys think it's not important at all? or it's just a joke, no one takes it seriously..

i got problem or wad.. or hey.. wads wrong with me? you think i am being paranoid? you think i like to be angry for no reason? you think i like to show my angry face to you guys? or you guys think i like to complain and then make this thing so big..

it's ok i say.. next time when i am so offended, i wun say a thing.. i will just walk away and let you people stand there thinking wads wrong.. you guys think it's the right way? i am expressing my feelings.. what i write is how i feel.. no one accepts it for what it is.. and dun bug me with questions ok.. why the hell should i answer you people when i cannot answer myself.. if you are not happy with what i post on this blog or what i write, then say it in my face directly.. i don't need people who turn one big round and shoot.. shoot mi with questions or wad.. so we can clarify it.. be straightforward ok..

let mi ask you guys.. if i dint get angry, who the hell would noe i am hurt? NO ONE of cos.. simply becos you guys dun figure it out.. i look like i can accept anything? let me tell you.. NO last time maybe i will grit my teeth and endure all this pain.. now hell no.. becos i think when i endure, no one takes it seriously.. its like.. " she can endure la.. push it further lo.. play with fire" its like i am of no concern to u guys.. and this is such a sad case..

i wanna discuss with u guys.. discuss about how i feel.. try to get my point across.. make you guys feel like i do, so maybe next time i won't have to explain so much anymore.. just don't shoot me again with idiotic questions ok..

if you know i wun reply you then let me cool off first..

*if u know i will reply you.. like i always do, then stay there..*

i had a hard time explaining over and over and over.. i said the same point dunno how many times already.. but why??? why i still feel you guys dun understand anything? i feel as if" hey, shut up la, stop saying.. its not my fault ok.. and im not going to think is my fault.. i just cant help it.. if u wanna be angry then i cant do anything about it.. " im not sure if tis is true.. but i hope not.. you cant blame me for thinking so negatively..

what i wanted to say i expressed out already.. and i believe those who talked to me on msn jus now will read this and think that maybe im being stupid or idiotic.. if u wanna think tis way i cannot blame u.. but if u buey song me that i say tis.. u better say it to mi straight in my face.. no hard feelings.. u wanna talk it out? bring it up.. i feel that we all need to talk our issues openly.. no matter who u are or wad.. it's clearer right?

dun put a fake face and say ur ok when ur not u noe.. i dunno if anyone of you will do it.. but i just said not to.. i have enough time to accommodate all of ur qsns.. all of ur unhappiness about this post and the previous ones.. wadever u have to say.. just shoot.. i will listen..

and becos i wanna solve this so quickly, i may offend some ppl.. they think i deliberately go and oppose them.. the answer is no, i am not.. i dun like to have over night unhappiness.. and i just had it.. if tis is going to last for a long time then i am not going to be happy..

should we just talk it out? there are many ways to do it.. think of all the communication tools.. im sure you guys have them.. so use it.. i also wanna hear about what you all have to say.. its all about me giving my opinions.. so far, no one really said anything about themselves in tis situation.. if ur angry, sad, pissed, happy or wad jus say??

i dun treat you guys as outsiders.. i treat you guys well enough to be able to discuss it so openly.. and i hope you guys will do the same too.. its just a 2 way thing la.. if i do all the talking, then there is just no point..

NOTE: this post is to those who know that maybe they should talk to me.. and those who talked to me on msn last night.. who you are u noe it.. and those passer by who like to poke their noses into everything, please go fuck off.. i got enough problems already.. so if u are intending to ask mi about tis matter, then do it maybe 2 weeks later.. i dun mean that i wun say or i will say.. but it's jus tat i am very agitated at the moment to deal with more people.. and their questions.. i desperately wanna solve this.. so help me alright.. help me??

It's so difficult reacting to situations..

Today was good..
Very good..
Very funny hang man session..
Now i love my year 2 class mates more..
And the funny ones all land up in bsu..
ooo..

It's true la..
How much you can laugh is so determined..
And i was actually planning to be laughing till the day ends..
But who noes..

Here i was coming out from the BSU unit..
And went over to human link to see people signing out..

The door opened and someone gave my jacket back..

She went out..

So i walked outside too..
Oh wow..
The moment i stepped outside..
I hear chattering..
Bickering..
Many noises..

I looked at them..
I had a fun face then..
Ouh..
So abruptly, people started saying things..
About me, of course..
And oh my..
It was my least favourite topic..

And they were saying it in such a funny way..
ok i know it's a joke..
And come on la..
I didn't even know that this thing existed..

Imagine happily coming out frm class and hearing sickening things..
I'm at a loss for words..
Firstly, i didn't know why they said so..
So i was kinda wondering wad did i do??
I did something wrong??
Nope i thought..
So nvm..
I pretended to chill..

THEN WHO KNOWS..
The topic starts to heat up..
There are ppl pouring oil, adding ingredients to it..
Seriously at that point in time..
It was WHAT THE FUCK..

So i decided to calmly walk away and try to cool..
I tried to ignore what they said..
To the best of my ability..
But soon, it starts to get super irritating..
And i am fucking angered by this..

Well..
I don't know who was the big mouth who started it..
It doesn't matter any more though..
Since everyone in BSU and the whole class more or less knows it..
I feel so wth..
Don't slander my name leh..
Don't put me with things that i am not with..

I can't take jokes??
Nope..
I have jus had enough of it..
Previously i was so sick of it that i got angry..
And now that i thought it was over, it fucking came again..
Do you know if you shoot at the same spot over and over again, it feels so damn painful?
And worse of all..
People whom i told them that i don't like them saying about this actually likes to talk about it..
And i heard that they did it for their own entertainment..
Wow..
This truly sucks man..
I see totally no effort in trying to save me..
They all left me to die..
With a fucking reputation dent..

U think i like it?
What the hell would you do if it was you?
Many previously cases have already shown that i dislike it..
I have said it many times to many ppl..
Hey, come on.. i don't like it..
I SAID I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!
WHY CAN"T ANY OF YOU UNDERSTAND??
WHY CAN'T YOU GUYS JUST FIND OTHER SOURCES OF ENTERTAINMENT??
I am so extremely so not ok with it..

Furthermore, i hear excuses saying that it can't be helped..
zzz..
Why is it that only when i get angry.. Then some of you have a bit of liang xin and let me off?
Some don't..
They carry on like nobody's business..

I am trying to get this point across to all of you..
I treat you guys well..
You guys are impt to me..
I don't wanna get angry..
And i don't want anyone to feel awkward just because of this freaking thing..
But do you listen?
If nothing gets in, then why should i say any thing else..
Anyway what i say will be treated as crap..
I don't feel as if i am being treated seriously at all..
If you people truly care for me, then can you give me some due respect?
I need people who understand and care for me..
But in the end, i always get sad..

I'm not being double sided..
I don't care what freakin outsiders say..
Cause when the people inside just do this..
I feel so wth..

Can u see the difference of a stranger saying go to hell to you..
And compare it to ur family or close ones??

Now i feel awkward..
You people just spoiled my day..
And other ppl's day too..
With so many parties offended and hurt, do you think next time we will talk the same again?
There is surely one big fat GAP!!

I don't know how you guys feel..
If you have any qsns regarding this post..
Then ask mi directly..
I don't want conflicts please..
I rather clarify than to fight or have cold war or what..

I forgive you guys..
You don't mean it but i still have to say this..
Because i don't think you get it..
And you always think i'm kidding..
When i'm actually not..

I just want my peace..
Can i have it in future?
Please?

=((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

T . T T . T T . T
T . T T . T T . T
T . T T . T T . T
T . T T . T T . T
T . T T . T T . T
T . T T . T T . T
T . T T . T T . T
T . T T . T T . T
T . T T . T T . T
T . T T . T T . T
T . T T . T T . T
T . T T . T T . T
T . T T . T T . T

=(
)=

you'll never know..
=(

Almost 3.30am

-_-
i wasted 1 and a half hours doing nothing..
i was beginning to wonder what i would tell god about my life when i reach heaven..
i feel so low now..
and no one is available to talk to..
and i wouldn't wake anyone frm their sleep either..
that's bad behaviour..
how do i feel?
i seriously don't know..
i wanna study seriously..
but i can't get anything in..
cuz maybe there is no more space for it..

the scientists should make some brain memory expansion formula..
so i do not have to frown like this anymore..

i so wanna cry..
=(

2am

I cannot get to studying..
T.T

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

=(

oh no oh no oh no oh no..

Firstly it's like 1 am in the morning..
And i dunno why it's 1 am in the morning..
And i feel so so so omg..
Cuz i haven't studied for the stupid ica..
Which i have no idea about..

CS was diff..
It was common sense..
This wasn't..

Why the heck did i sleep till so late..
And i missed everything..
I feel that i just lost my memory or something..
Maybe it's december 24th already..
Tml get ready to recieve presents..
LOL..

Diaos..
Thinking rubbish again..
lols..

And i..
I really wanna say something but i can't say it out..
Seems like an important issue..
And i can't open my mouth to say it..
In the end..
I always end up getting sad..
Why..
Damn it lo..
And infront of my eyes..
I see things which i am not supposed to see??
It's so sad..
How to endure this pain..??
How i just wish it would go away..

I should probably drown myself in everything..
No hope already..
No light in the future??

AND I FRIGGIN CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHY SOME PEOPLE ARE SO NIAO!!!!!!!
You know who I'm talkin about right..
Bee Bee~
=(
Is money really such an issue??????
Wan to spoil the day just becos of that..
Rubbish leh..
I sian sian..
I wanna say de lo..
And always if i say i become the bad person..
Wa lao..
SIAN!!!!
This saying out is different from above ok..
This is irritating..
Sickening..
AND NIAO!!!!
Worse than those aunty on the streets..
Argh..
So i should just pretend and carry on and keep saying okok??
Later ppl see my face i should just bow down and say i'm actually very ok..
wth lo..
ZZZ..

-_-

Morning.. And i hope all is well..

It's like almost 7 in the morning..
I'm not supposed to be waking up so damn early, but i can't get to sleep..
Or rather, i din't sleep at all..
Was worried and still worrying..
Many things..
Many issues..

Having a damn ica later..
Ica sux though..
I should have studied early..
And now i'm muggin like hell..
Dark circles have already become my best friend..
Say hello to me..
And stick with me forever..
Lols..

Stupid Customer Service..
Make me so tired in addition to many idiotic things..
Sooooo sian..

Tml also got Ica..
There is 1 next week too..
It's kinda never ending..
But..
This is an important semester..
I don't wanna flunk it..
After next week i can have my break..
Literally breaks me..

Do you know??
The time where everyone is happy is actually very bad??
It's a time where everyone loses track and everyone gives you away..
And when they are sad, they come back crying again..
Really had enough of this..
Quitting soon..

Let you guys in on a secret~

Lols..
I LOVE...

Younha..
Ikimono Gakari..
Takacha..
Yui..
B.C..
Mai Hoshimurai..
Rie Fu..
Orange. R..
June..
Shiro..
And last but not least... Ore Ska..

Crazy until i no study..

And tml i'm havin ICA~

Oh shit Crap..

Ugh~~ Holy crap..

It's just ugh..
I don't know why, but i kinda feel this way..
I don't know what i lack..
And my blog kinda becomes a rubbish chute..

And here i am thinking..
It's not enough??
Really?
wow..
I feel so what the hell..
So more is needed..
All has been made to be perfected, so i can't see anything that can be done to improve this..
If there is, it's probably something i feel weird about?
I don't know..
I seriously don't..
What should i do??
Tell me??
Anyone??

Argh..
What i see infront of me is probably what's happening..
But i can't believe it..
And i don't want to believe it..
Nah, it's just another paranoid thingy..
I just hope that some day i feel kinda fine??
I don't know what defines fine, but i feel so not fine..
It's starting to worry me..
And wow..
Such things are actually happening to me..
It's like i know I'm being boiled and i continue to stay in the pot..
I don't bear to leave alright..
Maybe if i just get cooked then I'm satisfied..
But by that time, I'll already be gone..

Acting fine isn't really a good way..
I like to put on a hard front though..
Makes me seem a little more harsh and cool headed..
But hey.. I'm just not that cold..
But softy isn't my kinda character..

It sets me thinking..
Really really thinking..
That if one day..
I never found out that i was being boiled..
And i died in the pot..
And every molecule was around laughing..
...
This is serious crap..

But i think I'm just being boiled though..
I am..
Evidence points to me so..
I can't help it..
Can i??

Oh well..
This sux big time..
Maybe if i could fine some " sweet escape "
I'd feel better..
But overall, i wanna say..
I'm sorta prepared to go to heaven..
Maybe God will just listen to me..

Just for 1 more day..
I will..
I really will..
I have preserved hard enough..
Gotten the long way through..
Met enough set backs and such..
And God still doesn't think it's enough for me..
I just think maybe I'm not strong enough..
I just need to grow stronger..
Not unfeeling..
But really stronger..

And i wanna be able to put things down for awhile..
Enjoy the breeze..
Calm my senses and such..
Look..
I am human..
I need space and time..
If everything is centered around this this this..
Then I'd rather someone just say that that that..
If nothing revolves around me, and instead everything revolves around this..
What's the point??
There is no give and take anymore..
It's all give..
Or maybe..
I should just forget it..

So much crap here..
Well..
No one understands it anyway..
So it's ok..
It's done and over with..
It's just how i feel..
I am so damned..

Busy Busy week end..

Recently been very busy..
Almost no time to pop a blog..
But still, here i am..

Actually i've been doing some of the unnecessary stuffs..
Maybe i too sian..
That's my drive to do it..
Well..
Nothing much today though..
Just wanna let thy readers know that i'm not dead yet..
Still can type and write stuff..
=)

Well well..
There are the high tides and low tides right..
Yup..
We can't do anything to control the tides..
It just comes and goes..

Many people feel inferior..
Or rather, they cannot find a solution to what they are supposed to be doing..
You have a plan..
It's just that it's not the right time to know it..
So wait for awhile..
All will be fine..
=)

Remember to always be happy, at least try..
Accept what you have now? It's difficult to get to where you are now..
But still, don't give up kk?
Because you know, if you do, many people will push you back up.. [''\~
It's just a matter of time before it's solved, my support is always here..
Till the end.. Always.. =)

This
Spells
What

I

Want

To

Say

.

Signing off: Xiong Xiong

FFFFFFFFunny~

Today was a funny day~~
In class, mona ang made us laugh again and again and again..
wahaha..
Some personal presentation thingy..
Today was about dressing..
So she showed us a picture of a super flamboyant person..
LOLs..
I laugh until i wanna die..
Hahahahaha..

In the end had a super long break + release early..
Yay~
So i paked over to BSU~
Went to find yi ling jie jie..
She was searching for some data with her friend..
Reading the finance times..
hahaha..

I had nothing to do so i picked up the newspaper and read..
Found a rather stupid article though..
There's this CHIna guy..
Who hacked into the NUS computer system..
You know why?!!
Just because he was jealous and anxious and wanted to know his classmates' grades..
OMGF~~
And that idiotic person actually scored damn well..
His grades were like dunno how many distinctions and A's..
Superb result..
And now he faces a $25000 fine or so and 5 yrs in jail..
Haven sentence yet ba..
Hahaha..
And his lawyer actually told the judge that he did it out of curiosity..
Lols..
If it was me, i'd say he is the most stupid person on earth..
LOL~~

Well, after that interesting article i went down for lunch with the BSU people..
They had lunch at 12..
So we talked a lot..
Hahaha..
But i dint eat~
After that met tutu, brain dmg, choco and wh for my real lunch..
Lols..
Damn funny session also..
Especially the wen zhao damn lame..
LoLs..

Waaaaa 2 pm already..
So the roundy bear decided to crash the BSU's workshop..
Now i know how BORING it is..
Poor them..
Had to tahan this kinda stuff for 1 whole week..
OMGs..
Next time it will be my turn lo..
Sian sian..
-_-

So we sat there and chatted alot..
Saw a lot of my old classmates..
Waaaa..
I sooooo happy~~~
=DDD
They are doing fine and coping well too..
Hahahaha..

In the end tutu and i decided to be evil..
Muahahahahaha..
We go and sabo the bra..
So we told rong qian, elvinder and shu juan tat he actually got some bian tai disease..
That he keeps a 95 C bra at home in his room..
Treating it like his pillow~
And last time we took a picture of him wearing that bra and putting on heavy make up~
( we really did..)
LOLOL~~~
Look at their faces..
They were like " OMGS Raymond is like that????!!!!! omgs, i wanna siam"
Then they asked us if he was GAY~~
Wahahaha..
But he drove into his own grave though..
He rolled his chair over..
Then rong qian they all asked him if he was gay..
Lols..
He said " Ni gen ta men jiang??"
" You told them??"
LOL~
All of them immediately turned away..
Pretending to look at Mr Tan..
Muahahaha..
Yet another bad deed done..

Lols tutu..
U and i should beware of the lightning right?
=P
Do this kinda things got bao ying de..
Wahahaha..
But it was so damn funny~~
Hohohoho~~
^ 5 [''\~

[''\~ Notice: I included an online dictionary for some people who cannot understand the meaning of some words~~ This is called hao xin ok~~ Next time you don't understand, please check it.. Wahahaha.. Improving English starts today~~ =D

...

Freakin dumb start of a day..
Woke at 1pm..
Dear me..
Almost friggin late for sch..
Lucky ah fuan was late..
Lols..
But he today super good again..
Let us off at 4pm..
Lesson at 130pm..
He had some difficulties getting the dvd to play..

In the end..
We watched a 1 hr clip about Singapore's mrt system and building..
How it's being drilled and projected..
Lols..
Damn complexed..
In the end his lesson was about 15min?
Omgs~
so 15 min lesson + 15 min break + 1 hr dvd = 1 and 1/2 hrs..
Woooo..
Damn shuang..
Starting to love his lessons..
Hahaha..

During lesson grace koh still supply mi galleons and galleons of sweets..
Hahaha..
TY!!!
Minties to guava..
Happy also gave mi some of hers..
Those are real sweet..
Lovely..
The class has officially become some Banquet..
Lols~
You see mac, sandwiches, chips, sweets, etc..
Whatever you name it, it's there..
Lol..
^ ~ ^

Well..
That's the end of it..

Or not.....


You know, i know, we all know..
There's no need to act?
What for?
For show?
Or for spite?

Born
Lost
Anger
You
Space
Leave
World
I
Love
Hate
Know
All
Why
Instead
Ask
Learn
Watch

All i want is a peaceful respite..
Thank you..

Ps* check the dictionary if meanings are unclear.. It's meant for self clearance*

^ ~ ^

Today another good day at school~~~
Met tutu bee and zk for lunch..
Hahaha..

After that went to ah fuan lesson..
LOL~~~
See.. I took a picture of him today..

Hahahahaa~~~
But he super duper damn good today lar..
3 hrs lesson got 15 min break, then early release by 1 hr..
WooooooS~~~
So happy..
Hahahaa..

So i happily paked over to Block B..
Saw tutu and kuku and black pig there~~
=D
Saw dagger also~~
Went to disiao her..
hahahaha..
She keep eating snake lo..
Keep faking go toilet..
Muahahaha..
One fine day i shall go bao toh..
:P

Then after that went to have dinner with my family outside..
Actually no dinner de..
But because of my wailing, they decided to bring me..
Wahahahaa..
=DDD

Soooooo happy..
Hope everyone is also happy~~
YA????
YEAH~~!!!
Da jia gen wo yi qi lai..
Shake shake ur body~~~

Yay~ Me first day of classical~~

Today had first day at classical..
Haha..
Went to sch quite early actually..
LOL..
First thing in the morning when i wanna enter the room i met KAI XIN~
Waaa..
She chiong out..
Lol~~
She see me she very very happy..
Audrey was sick so she thought she would be alone..
Muahaha~~
See i am such a saviour~~
:D

So after that the people came..
Grace koh's grp, mythilli and azlina..
Then we started laming again..

Lol..
Guess who is our BM0085 teacher???
Ta dah~~
Introducing Ah fuan~~~
Mr Fuan Poh Wai~~
He is a rather round character..
hahaha..
His pulling up pants action is the most funny..
Because he is toooooooo round..
So his pants tend to wanna slip off..
So....
He pulls them very very very high..
Hahahaha..
Tomorrow i'm gonna take a pic of him..
^ ~ ^

Then we started lesson..
Starting of the lesson only we had to listen to a 32 minute sound clip..
LOL..
Still mp3 format..
He wanted us to put it into the i pod and listen to it where ever we go..
BORING!!!!
But nvm..
We took the time and talked and talked and talked..
But he is sooooo kind..
He no say any thing much..
Just said pay attention to the speaker and such..
Hahaha..
So wonderful~~

Lol, we started class at around 9.10..
At 10 30 someone walked in..
She was 1 and a half hrs late!!
And nice ah fuan dint say anything~~~
LOL~~~
Waaa best..
After that he said we shall wait for the late comers..
Hahahhaa..
So i conclude, Being late doesn't matter as long as you are there..
=D

Then we had a rather entertaining lesson~~
Yay..
I'm so glad to hav ah fuan as our lecturer/ tutor~~
:D

Thanks to elsie.. For giving ah fuan this name~~
^ ^
hahaha..

After that met mi friends for lunch and went home~~
:)

Damn it..

Sick..
Just came back from the friggin doctor..
Whatever shitty illness hails over me..
WTH..

In an extremely super bad mood..

Oh and i freakin broke half a toe nail ytd..
Went and lost friction between the slipper and the floor..
So my foot slammed against the wall..
Ta dah...
My nail split into 2..
Right in the middle..
wow..
Super lucky..

Sianz..
And there are still fucking irritating people msging me..
woo..
Have you seen a bear angry?
Really angry??
F5..

sian...

normal sian day...
today play games until eye sot sot..
pain pain..
lol..
cannot open them already..
gd nite

Originally a damn happy day, but it ended fucking sad..

Dear blog..
today morning = happy
today afternoon = happy
today evening = happy
today night = fucking not happy

overall = not happy

u want to know why??
i can tell you no more..
there are no words to put it..
the only way is to open my heart/ brain and see for yourself?
or maybe when i reach heaven, god will give me a deeds book on what i have done..
i shall show it to you..

Welcome me~~~ Faster Faster ^^

Bwahahaha..
Mi paw is back..
Stupid com didn't allow me to post anything for the past few days..
Lols..
I am super happy~~~
yay~~
=D

But something is wrong though..
Due to the amount of uncooked food a had on Monday..
Seriously a lot..
I am having a serious stomach upset..
Bears got weak stomachs..
=l

Ooo..
Just received a message that tutu went to school at the wrong time again..
-_-
That gong gong rabbit..
Lols..

Ahhhh~~
Today so many people so suay..
Before i woke i still had some very bad dream..
Lols..

Bad day bad day..
All the animals hao ke lian ar~~

Dui ba...
=(

It ended with a frown..

Xiao Xiong Ri Ji~

Story and art by : Xiong Xiong

Wo tai wu liao le.. =P

Wo hen shuai ba~~
Ni men hao..
Wo shi xiao xiong~~
Chu le ming de gang qing wang zi~~~ Ohhh~~

I had a performance today~~~ This lovely lady i'm hugging is one of my fanz.. Ohhhh~~ What a passionate hug.. I feel so idolized.. PS* Her head is too big..

-_-

BUT!!!!!!

WO DE MA YA~~~

She come and qiang wen wo~~~

Omg..

Wo de di yi ci..

T ~ T

Wo Hao shy ar..

Bu gan kan bie ren..

Ke shi wo yi xiang dao bei na ge big head de pooh bear qiang wen..

Wo jiu xiang tu....

OMGS~~~

T ~ T

Ni men.. Ke lian Ke lian wo ba~~~ Sobx~~~ Wo bu Yaoooooooooo~~~~~~~~~~~ Hao sad de yi tian.. Wo bei qi fu le.. Hao sad arrr~~

T ~ T

Nakacha

Yesterday went to sing k with yokie and tutu..
Lol..
Poor bear is sick so no sing much..
But overall was an interesting day..

Mi paw went home jiu sleep ler..
Yokie and Bra come talk to mi i also no reply..
Wahahaha..
Dui bu qi..
Too tired..

Been dealing with strategy games recently..
I think i fall in love with it once more..
Muahahaha..
You know the feeling of planning for something???
And see it prosper..
Lols..
Makes me seem so clever...
Challenge me..
Wahahaha..
I am clever~~~

Well Well..
Wanna put things down for a bit..
School gonna reopen soon..
A bit sian..
But still i am happy..
Less free slots..
Less problems..
Cos i sick and tired of thinking..
I just wanna quit..
So badly..
Hiax..

Right??
Do you agree??

=)

Today's events...

Today went out with tutu and bra..
For more details, please refer to tutu's blog..
What she blogged is what i would like to say..
LOL..

I am just purely lazy..
Thanks~~

^^

Let me tell you how i think..

I don't wanna say this straight in your face..
I don't wanna be harsh..
So just read between the lines..

I feel tired..
very tired..
Sometimes not physically..
But emotionally..
Dear papa knows me..
And papa can only give me advice..

You know why i go and tire myself out again and again?
I just don't wanna face it..
I can just fall asleep and not think about anything..

I am afraid..
Got so many problems to settle..

I think you know I'm referring to a few people..
But including you though..
Yesterday i was tired..
Saw your msg now..
But the truth is that i was so tired that i slept from 6pm till now..
Sorry for wasting your day..
Next time go without me ba..
Or do your own stuff..
No need to care about me le..
I'll just make you think I'm super negative and you had something to do with it..
It just isn't worth your time..

But all is just what i think..
You got nothing to do with it..
So don't blame yourself and think you caused it..
Thank you..

Sometimes i really mean it..
When i say it's ok..
Don't wait for me..
I really mean it..
You no need to wait beside the phone for my reply or wad..
Just go and have your life..

I'll have mine..
In just a more different way..
I don't wanna cause trouble to others..
I want them to be happy too..
As well as me..

I love my friends..
But not all people can be treated equally..
I have people whom i want to treat them well..
Because they deserve it..
I see what they have done..
And i want to appreciate them more..
Well i guess this is the best way to put it..

If people see me sad and they also become affected by it..
It's my fault..
So if i can be happy..
Just show the face..
Maybe other people think it's fake or wad..
But now i don't care anymore..
Trying to be happy..
Or pretending to be happy isn't bad..
It isn't against morals..
It is just a way i choose to show myself..

Sometimes you say i am not being true to myself..
Yes i do agree sometimes..
But pretending is what i need to do sometimes..
It to show the other side of me..
A lot of people has seen my happy face..
At least they know..
Ohhh.. She is happy la.. It's ok..

But somehow or another..
This is a first la..
But i dunno how you can have an intuition that you know I'm not happy..
Although most of the time you guess it incorrectly..
Apart from a few close friends i have, your guessing is rather accurate when it comes to serious matters..

And i think only a few people has seen me real sad..
Those people are whom i think i can trust them in keeping my feelings..
But i still feel that i stand alone..
In the end..
Still, all is lost..

You know this feeling?
I think you're also quite a loner..
You should understand..
After all, you will say you find no real friends..
OoO

I have just lost all interest in putting my heart in..
So I'll just stand outside the line..
Say how i feel..
Address my problems..
Think and think..

The view of an outsider and insider maybe be different..
But if you combine them together, you can make something nice right..
It would seem as a whole..

So maybe next time, you think this is the case..
But actually no..
It's like that..
And when you combine them up, you get the bigger picture..

Everyone's view is narrow..
It's up to you to see it..
That's why maybe it i see a dead end..
I know I'm gonna die..
And i know you still have hope..
So i tell you..
It's a long road ahead..
Jia you..
You go on..
When i hit my end, I'll just go..
Then you can still continue to run i think..
Just move on..

This post in generally centered around how i think..
So there may be random thoughts jumping around and such..
Not all relate to you..
But this post is to reply you for the questions you asked me recently..
maybe about 65% of it..

The rest is to others..
Inside and Outside..
Those who read regularly will know what I'm saying..
Although some just don't get it..
I don't know what they will do..
Keep asking me questions??
O.O

Rather interesting that i can give 65% of this entry to your cause..
I just feel that i owe you an apology..
As well as answers you would like to know..

And i hope that after reading this you can understand how i feel..
Maybe i need some time to cool off..
I cannot have too many things at one time..
Rather, this is more stressed than in school..
Because when in school, i don't have really much things to do..
Maybe lame, crap with people..
School work just takes over..

But when i come home, things start to go different..
Many stuff which i don't normally do all appear at once..
Sometimes i just think too much..
And thinking.. Can be the stupid reason to why so many problems arise..

I want to talk maybe..
But not now..
I am just feeling so ****
I don't know how to describe..
I don't know how to say..
You ask me to draw??
Oh no, i cannot draw to express anything..
May be anger i can..
I'll just be ruining the paper or what..

Well..
I just hope you give me time..
Some time to just be myself..
Calm down and face things..

I cannot feel stressed..
My health seriously does not permit it..
That's what Mr Doctor says..

I've been out a lot recently..
And i go alone..
I wanna spend time with myself..
And i wanna think about how to should handle my future..
I want people to understand me..
But..
Can they?

They have too many questions for me..
Some which i cannot answer..
Or i find it too difficult to answer..

To those who have met such a situation with me..
Please understand..
I am going through an obstacle now..
I'm stressed..
But still i need all the support you people can give..
Really.. thanks a lot..

Sian Sian..

Today so suay la..
Dun ask mi why..
I am so sian that i wouldn't bother to answer you..

No mood liao..
But nevertheless try to act happy la..
Someone gave mi advice about how to treat myself and the things around me..

Yup..
I am a negative person..
But still i must act positive around other people..
Cannot pull them down also..
Bad for everyone..

So i write about bad and negative posts on this blog..
Only it hears me..
Those who read my thoughts probably think i am stupid or negative beyond cure..
Nevermind..

I don't care what you think..
I am me..
If you are going to change me, make sure you do a good job..
If you are going to give up halfway, please go and die..
I hate false hope givers..
If you are not going to help at all, don't show your bloody face here..
Don't act like you care..

That's what i have to say..
Life sux.. XD
I sux.. =D
U sux.. =P

Today..

Went swimming just now..
Kinda tired after that..
A bit sian when i reach home..
But luckily got people entertain me..

Ended up being busy fixing the air con..
Sorry if i was too busy..
I hope u understand..
=l

Recently i sian sian la..
Don't blame me kk..
Also not i want de..
And not i don't wanna talk to you..
Is that sometimes i have to be away for long..
Don't make you wait la..
Pls understand..
Thanks..

And don't say you will wait..
-_-
There is no need to, so please don't..
By the end of everything i would be so tired already..
And i won't come back maybe..
So please go and do your stuff and go to sleep..

___________________

Tomorrow's gonna be more or less the same again..
How i wish la..
Just how i wish..
Aiyaa..
No one knows how i think anyway..
So it's best to keep it inside..
Then it will grow..
When the time comes..
It will realise itself..
And everything will be out..

I kinda feel this same old feeling again and again..
Oh please please..
Go away..
Thanks..

Have a life..
Live a good one..
-_-

*If you wanna hurt me, there is nothing i can do..*

Eeeks~

Wa Laoooooo...
It's 5.02 am in the morning..
And i don't know why i woke..
Crazy..

Jiu ming arr..
I cannot slp again le..
So deprived of sleep and i can't sleep..
Lols..
Wonderful.. -_-

So i ended up posting something so bo liao..
Come and complain to blog that i sian sian..
Lol..

But i had a very interesting dream before i woke..
Short but weird..
-_-

I was walking on the road when i became a loan shark with my cousin..
We went collecting debts..
Suddenly, we were invited to work for a secret terrorist organization..
Then we were sent on a mission..
After many stupid things..
My cousin was burnt in a fire..
Lol..
And i woke..
This dream is so ominous..
Waaaa..
Scared the hell outta me..

I need to go drink water and go trying to roll back to sleep..
See ya..