I can't figure out myself at all..

i am not happy today..
certainly not..

at first i thought..
maybe it's because of work..
maybe work is stressful..
maybe i can't handle it..

but then i realised..
nope..
it wasn't..
it was me..
purely me..
and me alone..

you say i'm emo??
yes i agree..
maybe sometimes i'm very emotional..
but usually.. Not..
and i can control myself quite well..
but today..
I just simply can't..
giving fake smiles isn't my forte..
people can see that it is just being forceful..
and that i am not tat happy after all..
or that i laughed just for the sake of laughing and entertaining people..

am i really happy?

now the subject seems to be centred around why i am feeling so down..
i so feel like visiting the doctor..
-_-

i know i'm not happy..
i know it's about something..
and i know that it is affecting mi alot..
and i know i cannot ignore it, but yet i am trying to..
hiding and avoiding the fact..
i seriously don't know what i should do..
i can't advise myself..
but will advice from others work??

i don't trust the words..
i don't trust anything here..
none..
i just wanna wish it away..

yes.. good..
but i'm sorry..
nope.. i can't..
give face.. disgrace..
irritated.. angered..
sick and tired..
time may pass..
quickly please..
please..